I’ve been doing yoga for nearly a year now.
Still rubbish, still as flexible as a plank.
But I get it. I enjoy it (mostly, and in spite of the pain).
But I struggle with the meditation.
It doesn’t do focussing.
There’s too much stressing and worrying and pondering to do.
But I get that meditation is A Good Thing.
And so my intention for 2015 (I don’t do resolutions because my brains immediate reaction is to waggle its fingers in its ears, shout “shan’t” and blow a very loud raspberry) is to try and do a mini meditation every day.
I’ve decided to do a counted meditation with eyes closed rather than staring at a statue or flickering flame or whatever.
Staring at things gives far too many opportunities for distraction.
So, for those of you who might fancy trying something similar, my meditation goes something like this….
Sits on zaku meditation cushion and tries not to think how much like a garden gnome (minus fishing rod) I look.
Painfully crosses legs and spends several minutes trying to shuffle buttocks into less uncomfortable position.
One (breathes in and out, slowly)
Two (breathes in and out slowly)
Three (peeks at clock so can impress self with how long I have been meditating at the end)
Closes eyes again
Five ( argh, right knee is now cramping up. Breathe into knee and try to relax muscles in right leg which appear to be in first stages of rigor mortis)
Seven (wonder how much a trip to India would cost and then spend some time thinking of other places would like to visit whilst still keeping up with the counting)
Realise have lost focus and come back to meditation with guilty start
Realise am now slumped on zaku cushion like a yogic Jabba the Hutt. Straighten back and tuck chin whilst attempting to contract bhandas (still very unsure what these are or where to find them, but must show willing)
Twenty one (remember it is Very Important that I swap the way I cross my legs and try to hook one foot on top of other in attempt to encourage legs towards elusive lotus position. Attempt to do so and wonder again how my body got so lopsided without me noticing)
Twenty two (realise new position very uncomfortable so swap back to original position)
Twenty five (remember have several teaching sessions coming up next week and stress over flipped classrooms and related stuff for some time)
Argh, should be meditating. Where was I?
Twenty three (must concentrate)
Twenty four ( I am breathing in, I am breathing out)
Twenty five (perhaps I should be meditating over a mantra instead. Did a Facebook quizz that said my 2015 mantra should be “I am open”)
Twenty six (realise from the pain in my hips that “I am open” is possibly the most inappropriate mantra I could have come up with)
Twenty seven (Focus! I am breathing in. I am breathing out)
Thirty. (Looks at clock. Yay, 15 minutes of meditation. I can feel benefits already!)
Slowly and painfully unclicks joints and attempts to stand up like youthful, yogic 46 year old rather than old and creaky 90 year old.